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Finer Facts

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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Holding the Door Open for Someone Who Is on Crutch(es) and the Importance of Having Two Crutches not Crutch

I add the "(es)" to the title because for only half the time I was on two crutches, the other half I was on crutch. But while my short period on crutches I really learned two things from them:

A. Never take walking for granted
B. There are 4 general kinds of people in this world:

  1. The classy, morally sound man - Hears or sees that you are on crutch(es), and goes out of his way to hold the door open for you. He has my gratitude.
  2. The unwilling, but morally sound man - Hears or sees that you are on crutch(es), and looks at you with what could be called a glare, and opens the door for you with a look on his face that says "Are you serious? I was having a good conversation with another fellow and I had to pause it to help you". Not he, but probably his parents who drilled good morals into him at a young age, have my gratitude.
  3. The unobservant, oblivious man - He somehow does not take notice that you are on crutch(es), and as a result, does not hold the door open for you. I understand that he did not notice, so I am not mad, but he should try to pay closer attention.
  4. The twit - Hears or sees that you are on crutch(es), turns around to look at you, gives you the once over to make sure you actually do have crutch(es), and knowing this, doesn't hold the door open. OUTRAGEOUS!! Did he just intentionally close the door faster?? and walks away most likely smiling to himself;He has my contempt. I am utterly displeased by their actions and officially name them pseudoclassy.
I understand there might be some reluctance in opening the door for a person with crutch. "I mean, seriously, he has one open arm doesn't he?" The answer is "No.", always open and hold a door for someone on crutch(es), it's the classy thing to do.

Other than holding the door open for someone on crutches, I believe there is a certain amount of class difference between crutches and crutch. With two crutches, you look legitimately injured, most likely by extraordinary like, in my case, my white tiger that resides on my estate ferociously attempted to attack a mere babe. In the process of jumping in front of the child, I tranquilized the tiger with the hidden dart gun at the tip of my umbrella-cane, but not soon enough. As the unconscious tiger fell from mid air, it landed on my right leg, causing a labral tear in my right hip. But that's not really important right now, anyway... With two, people don't question your injury. With only crutch, you look homeless. And being homeless is most definitely not classy. With a wooden crutch and a couple rags, you could complete the look of a hobo flawlessly.

In conclusion, Holding the Door Open for Someone on Crutches and Two Crutches are officially CLASSY.


"double u"
"1/2 Quadruple u"