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Finer Facts

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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Wonderful Irony that Lies in Having a Lavish Lavatory

Using the restroom is an overlooked and misunderstood part of everyone's day. Yes, it is a routine that appalls and insults all five senses, but it also happens to be one that all humans have in common. There is an undeniable sense of relief  that arises after using the commode, a vague reminder that we are all mortals. Fortunately, this post won't focus on the finer points of using the restroom, rather, we shall appreciate the underlying qualities of the fine lavatories which celebrate this action.

A classy commode is a truly beautiful thing. It is simply outstanding how far humans have come to turn even the most grotesque actions into pleasant experiences. Most private lavatories today come equipped with yesterday's newspaper, a crinkled up Sports Illustrated from 2001 that you know cover to cover, and a painting of the ocean that makes you seasick. None of these items will enhance your experience very much. If you would like to bask in the presence of irony, as any scholar would, then your luxurious restroom should contain all of the following things:

  • Marble flooring
  • Speakers playing the soothing sounds of the saxophone. 
  • A replica of The Thinker or Michelangelo's David. 
  • A solitary dove flying about
  • Tomorrow's newspaper
  • A chimney
  • State of the art 23 carat gold toilet with auto-wiping mechanism
  • A Chandelier
  • Toilet paper made of the finest linens
  • A mini fridge
  • A small pond stocked with koi fish, tastefully supplemented by a trickling waterfall.
  • Those really nice cloth hand towels that are supposedly disposable but make you feel guilty for throwing them away.

Now that you have a good feel for what a lavish lavatory should contain, we would like to leave you with the smooth saxophone stylings of George Michael. 

Stay Classy,

William & Walter
W & W
Quadruple U