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Finer Facts

Finer Facts:

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Undershirt

 The guardian of the eyes
...For it shields the sight of unsightly chest hair...

The absorber of perspiration
...For it acts as the last stand in the never ending war on pit stains...

The psuedoclass-proof vest
...For it protects us from unclassiness like a bulletproof vest does bullets...

Nothing completes a look quite like the white semicircle situated beneath the gentle downward-sloping arc formed by the collar and button. The Undershirt, also referred to as the Nethershirt, acts as a classy person's canvas, on which they create their masterpiece by assembling dynamic coexistence between the Polo horse, the base color of their choice, and possibly a small pattern that coincide in perfect harmony as they rest loosely around the torso of their maker.

Though officially unknown, the Undershirt's origin can be dated as far back as the "Pre-NameBrand-ic Age", an era void of any common knowledge of class, where psuedoclass roamed freely as it pleased contaminating any unlucky, innocent soul that crosses its path with its terrible affliction. It was said to be more devastating than the Black Plague. Thank the class gods for human's ability to innovate, thus producing --> The Nethershirt - believed to be mankind's adaptation to compensate for the loss of the ability to grow thick, insulating chest and upper torso mane, thus losing the vital ability to grow your own clothes as some may say. Today, those of Spanish origins are fortunate enough to have remnants of this fur-like hair. This offers them the luxury of being classy without an undershirt or with an undershirt. The rest of us must abide to the latter. So kudos to you, Spaniards, for keeping this long lost gem as part of your genetic makeup. To give you  a better sense of just how long ago this was, we, the Class Connoisseurs, have composed a time line.

Thick, Fur-like Hair --> Loss of Thick, Fur-like Hair --> Undershirt
^                                                ^                                   ^
Pre-NameBrand-ic Age      -----   "Class Purgatory" -----   Modern Era

Though extremely complex, this timeline above gives us the conclusive evidence needed to support our hypothesis. After much analysis from the best in the field of classiness, it can now be assumed with reassurance that some sort of undergarment has been sported for all of mankind's time of existence. Which means the Undershirt has been most literally aged to perfection.

On a different note, there are certain things that should not ever be done while sporting this fine article of class we've dubbed the Undershirt:
  1. Never should the sleeves of the Nethershirt out length those of thy Outershirt
  2. Never should one observing a sporter of the Undershirt be able to see the likes of any kind of desgin through the Outershirt that could cause a distraction and thus hinder the full appreciation of such an aesthetically pleasing masterpiece. The Undershirt is solely a undershirt, no t-shirt can be merely "converted" to the Undershirt status
As with everything else contained in this blog, "Easier read, than done". We've given you the legend on the mysterious Map of Class, now it's up to you to scour the topographical depiction in search of the classiness that is hidden somewhere deep down inside of you. We wish you best of luck.

Yours in Class,

William & Walter
W & W

"Quadruple U"