Disclaimer: This website, in its entirety, requires your willing suspension of disbelief.

Finer Facts

Finer Facts:

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Importance of having a luxurious library with an incredible array of varied knowledge and a stifling amount of original historical works

        A classy home is incomplete if lacking the owner's full knowledge and imagination embodied into books (preferably leather bound books). And a classy home owner is typically quite knowledgeable while also having a wild and free imagination. So you see, a mere book shelf will never accommodate the full range of knowledge and culture a classy person needs. Intrigued? Well, here is the breakdown:
  • Sometimes people have books.
  • Other times people have book shelves.
  • Commonly people have study rooms with a good deal of books.
  • Uncommonly, people have entire libraries in their house
  • Classily, people have entire luxurious libraries with an incredible array of varied knowledge as well as a stifling amount of original historical works.
        Now, when I say library, I do not mean your local convenience research center with full time workers and all. I speak rather of a high ceiling-ed, chandelier lit, Persian rug covered, culture spewing room were one can go take a break from all the pseudo-classiness in the world. As you enter this room, you will be struck by the rich sent of vanilla tobacco, leather, pine, and Fabreze, all simultaneously arousing your nostrils. -You look around, classic books such as The Odyssey and The Chronicles of Narnia - The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe instantly grasp your attention. Wait, what's that down yonder? Oh, its the original papyrus copy of Mark's Gospel. And yes, that over there is Anne Frank's actual diary. -At the center of the library is desk crafted from the very cherry tree George Washington once chopped down. The pure gold chandelier above provides great light as you read on your woolly mammoth leather lazy boy.As you get up, you exclaim,
"Sweet lincoln's mullet!, what a fine and classy room. I guess I'll just make my way back to the.....NO! it cannot be, up there next to Richard Preston's "The Hot Zone", ...it's...it's a blank red book. But it is unattainable as it seems to be stuck on the shelf." 

        If you were knowledgeable in the slightest about libraries, you would immediately walk towards the grand piano and play Beethoven's Piano Sonata No.14 in C sharp-minor. Preceding your concerto, without delay, the bright red book would protrude itself an inch or so off the shelf. Once in your grasp, the shelf where said book had sat upon would mobilize itself forward, exposing its side, and revealing a candlelit spiraling staircase that descends into the depths of your home and your privacy into A Secretive Lair.

        Whilst entering, you turn the lights on in the lair and dim them half way. As your pupils adjust, you witness class at its finest. Your most prized suit hangs in solitude next to the wall mounted carcass of the snow leopard you wrestled in your days long passed. You admire the murals on the wall Michaelangelo painted specifically for you centuries agos. They stimulate recollections of past adventures and inspire you to new ones. Also there is that Nobel Prize which you have grown quite fond of. The miniature fridge tempts you with rare beverages and illegally delicious sweets from across the lands. The miniature bar has a multitude of options, though on this particular day you're leaning towards that unopened bottle of wine previously cared for and owned by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
Enjoy my friends
and stay classy,


"Double U"
"1/2 quadruple U"