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Finer Facts

Finer Facts:

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Origin of Winks, Part 1

Though it has sadly fallen into the hands of teenagers with unlimited texting plans, ultimately resulting in its unpractical evolution into a smiley-winky face, the wink still retains a plethora of its original finer qualities. These finer qualities' longevity proves to play a key role in the fermentation of the wink for the duration of all of existence. We wish not to describe the uses of this gesticulation, rather we only hope to scratch the vast surface of this great action's history and impart some insight on what great task one is accepting when he becomes a sporter of the wink.

The Historical Source
Said to have been discovered by Ferdinand Magellan during his world voyage in the early 1520's, winking has remained a prominent gesticulation for almost 500 years and counting. Though Magellan was unfortunately killed during the latter part of his excursion, the remaining members of his crew courageously braved the treacherous oceans to relay his great finding to the whole world. Sadly, Magellan was the only human alive who knew the precise origin of the wink, and so the origin went to the grave alongside our beloved Ferdinand.

A man exercising the triple threat, that is winking, grinning, and raising a single brow of course

The Scientific Theory
Scientists have hypothesized the alleged origin of the wink, which is: the wink is a distant member of the Monobrow-ious Elevation-ium family, a very prestigious family that have served as pronounced figures in the class world. Though there is evidence that at one time there were many as many as 27 different variations of the raising of a single brow and winking, natural selection can be attributed to the elimination of the weaker, less classy gesticulations.

The Historic Uses
Many a historian might recall the numerous instances winking has been exhibited during a momentous occasion, so we have compiled a brief list of some of the various instances when it has been displayed. Some of them are:
  • Christopher Columbus allegedly winked upon first sight of the wondrous shores of the Americas
  • Groundhog Day, 1964: the groundhog, upon its arrival to the surface, winked
  • June 20th, 1969, Neil Armstrong winked as a token of good fortune to the Moon
Winking is an expression whose timeless roots overshadow today's misconceptions of the gesture. Due to its rich history and mysterious origins, the wink is an action that must be delivered with grace throughout its many classy uses. However, that lesson will have to wait for another day.

Stay Classy,

William and Walter
Quadruple U