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Finer Facts

Finer Facts:

Monday, July 25, 2011

Claiming Territory

The beckoning predisposition to explore what no man has explored, to see what no man has seen, and to touch what no man has touched lies within all of us.This inclination applies to all things uncharted, unexplored, and most importantly unclaimed. The act of claiming territory is one that has greatly impacted history, at times giving birth to prosperous civilizations while waging violent wars on other occasions. But there are truly fine qualities that accompany those who dare to tame savage lands with honest and good willed intentions for the future.

Yeah... We did that.

Valid ways to claim territory:
  • Pointing at it
  • Nodding towards it
  • Urinating on or around it
  • Sticking a flag into it
  • Winking at it
  • Caging it
  • Fencing it in
  • Sitting on it
  • Writing a constitution that gives you control of it
  • Putting a ring on it
  • Signing it 
    • Note: exceptions include athletes and other social figures
  • Purchasing it
  • Trading for it
  • Drawing borders around it in the dirt using a stick or one's foot.
  • Reciting a spontaneously composed poem about the majestic land you've come across.
  • Writing your name on it

Simple phrases that can solve most territorial disputes.
  • "Dance off, you and me, right now"
  • "Shotgun"
  • "This town ain't big enough for the two of us"
  • "Heads - I win, Tails - you lose."

Obviously the art that is Claiming Territory is not dead. In reality, it's far from it. Now go on and establish a nation or go ride in the passenger seat of a vehicle.


William and Walter
Quadruple U