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Finer Facts

Finer Facts:

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Bedtime Stories, Vol. 1

Visiting a Friend:

You approach a pair of massive wooden doors, a light elusive aroma smelling slightly of mahogany and a myriad of other exotic hues escape from a gap in the airtight seal of the door to tease your nostrils - the smells transporting you back to the days of old, especially the time you caught that 10ft bull shark, noodling - but only for a brief, glorious second. You pause, as you examine the walls adjacent to the door you begin to panic, there is no doorbell to be found.

You are deeply distraught and somewhat baffled, then you remember the teaching you absorbed under the tutelage of President Bush. You immediately about face, look under the floor mat and find the rare 27¢ coin. You pick it up, turn once again to face the door and then find exactly what you were looking for. You insert the coin into a camouflaged slit in the top left corner of the door frame. A rope from the above darkness falls, you grab it but not before inspecting it. You wipe the poison from the tip of the rope. You laugh at the un-originality of using the poison of the Amazon Poison Dart frog, arrogantly exclaiming "The triviality!"

You tug the rope, not too soft, but not too hard. Chimes of bells erupt filling the once silent air with a beautiful summoning call. Three seconds pass, an eye only slit is slid open, a questioning voice with a heavy Antarctic accent asks "What is the password?" You cup your hands around your mouth and whisper "North". The eye slit abruptly shuts, the muffled sounds of multiple locks and deadbolts being unlatched can be made out through the still softly echoing bell chimes. Finally, the click of the door handle itself, you wait in anticipation as the right door swings open slowly on well oiled hinges, only small creaks may be heard, until coming to its final destination. A few seconds pass, anticipation grows. You scratch your scar from your days as a secret operative, it's a bad habit now.

At last, a balding head materializes, followed in quick succession by his torso and finally his legs. "Good evening sir. How may I be of assistance?"

And that is how you saved the world from ebola.


William and Walter
Quadruple U