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Finer Facts

Finer Facts:

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Regal, Proper, and Loyal

Walking encyclopedias of class, perusers of perfection, and unremitting suppliers of wisdom, butlers' aggregate knowledge of things classy would not be advanced upon reading this Guide. Today's society holds many misconceptions about butlers.Since an apparent lapse in knowledge and a influx of rumors has occurred, the gap must be filled. For this reason we present you with this valuable information about these majordomos.

Facts, and only facts:
  • Butlers are not just merely a glorified, socially acceptable form of stalkers; though they are always behind you.
  • Butlers do not have pasts, they were born that way.
  • Butlers are unable to retain existence without sporting a suit.
  • Butlers are able to anticipate what you want, when you need it, all the time.
  • Butlers were the preferred search engine for 1,998 years, until later being defrauded by Google, Inc.
  • Butlers are know for their spontaneousness. They're known to release doves every time you enter a room.
  • Butlers have mastered sock management and location.
  • Butler's hankercheif works the same way a Shamwow does, but classier.
  • Butlers know about that thing you never told anyone about.
  • Butlers have been there, done that.
  • All Butlers have that "new car smell"
  • Butlers have an internal clock, with a direct link to Greenwich Meridian Time, among many other internal tools such as...
  • Similar to most advanced home security systems, for a mere $3 more a month they can provide a live video feed of your house
    A fine butler in his natural habitat

    Yours in Class,

    William and Walter
    Quadruple U